You Keep Telling Yourself You're The Hero But All You Are Is Alone
by xXShadowCat
Summary: Rated M to be safe. Slight sexual content. Rikku x Paine. We can't help who we love. Just as we can't help who we don't. Paine and Rikku begin to notice a deeper level to their relationship, but can they accept the feelings that come with it? "You're doing it again, stop acting all Un-Painey Dr P! You'd have people tricked that you'd grown a heart". Reviews welcome! :)


She was a child of the summer. Her golden hair shimmering in the sun, her laugh like a long forgotten melody. Enchantingly innocent and carefree, her amber scarf billowed behind her slight figure as she ran through the tranquil calm lands, the aqua sky making her viridian eyes sparkle as she smiled with a childlike wonder up at the sky. A child of wonder and intrigue, sunshine glowing in her every move. A wild child.

She was a disciple of winter. Silver hair sticking up like icicles despite the warm weather. She smiled more with her eyes, which were a deep and crimson, like a finely matured wine and she smiled most when she watched the younger girl; just as she was now. Her skintight black leather becoming sticky and mildly uncomfortable in the heat as she watched the thief, entranced by how carefree she was. Looking at her seemed to make everything else fade away to nothingness and a faint feeling flutter in her chest which had been frozen for far too long. She could never refuse a request from the summer child because she'd do anything to keep her smiling. When the younger girl was happy, it was extremely contagious. This was the reason why they were now on the Calm Lands in the heat, instead of searching for their designated sphere on Gagazet. Rikku complained that it was 'too mean and morbid up there' but Paine loved it. She felt in her element there, plus, she could have a cigarette. She despised smoking in the sun but she wasn't opposed to drinking and as she trailed behind Rikku warily, she pulled out her trusty hip flask and sat down for a drink.

Rikku was chasing a butterfly and Paine was shaking her head in amusement, raising the cool metal to her lips. The smile left Rikku's face as she turned around and her eyes glazed over as she watched a solitary drop of liquid trickle out the corner of Paines mouth and drip down her chin, before she knew it she was right in front of her, and with a quick dart of her tongue it was gone. Paine regarded her with a raised brow and Rikku's eyes widened considerably as she blushed and muttered under her breath before turning around and running off once more. Paine smirked and shook her head once more, making a mental note to kick the thief's ass if she invaded her personal space again before trailing after her. The faster they got to Gagazet the better!

"I don't like it already, this place gives me the creeps!" Rikku shuddered, rubbing her arms with her hands as they climbed past the pillars which marked the entrance to the barren and hostile mountain.

"Get used to it, we'll probably be here for awhile" The frosty girl muttered, running ahead and slicing through some minor fiends to get the adrenaline flowing.

"Where's this sphere at anyway?" Rikku muttered, running after the older girl.

"Apparently near the top, judging from the waves" Paine drawled, taking out a cigarette and placing it between her lips.

"We should've got Brother to drop us off higher up!" Rikku whined, trudging through the thick snow.

"Well someone wanted to go the Calm Lands first, remember? If you're cold change your dress sphere now, I'm not listening to your bitching." Paine chastised, cursing as the wind blew out the flame from her lighter.

"Fine, I will" Rikku pouted, sticking out her tongue childishly and turning away. Paines mouth went dry as Rikkus clothes disappeared and reappeared in an instant, in a gaudy mix of pink lilac turquoise and gold - gunmage. She strode over, a cunning smirk playing on her soft lips. Suddenly they got a transmission from Buddy to return to the Celsius. Upon their return they found a solemn air surrounding the crew and Brother couldn't seem to look any of them in the eye. _From then on everything changed._

The warrior turned away from the scene, clenching her fists in frustration. She was the only one with dry eyes and she'd never felt guiltier for it, but to be fair she'd never known the man. Rikku was the first one to collapse, but that was to be expected. She fell softly to her knees as sobs wracked her fragile frame. She'd never looked so broken. Paine wanted to help but she knew she couldn't. It wasn't her place, and comfort wasn't her talent; emotions were never her strong point.

The summoner was the one to aid the thief, wrapping her arms around her gently, as if her meager shield of skin and bone could hide Rikku from the reality of the situation, from the cold reality that was Spira.

It seemed strange to the warrior, she'd witnessed countless atrocities, men sliced up into indistinguisable bloody chunks before her crimson eyes but yet she turned her face away from a funeral. She wanted to run. The bleak scene made something inside her hurt, it made her feel vulnerable, different and selfish.

Rikkus eyes didn't help either. She'd looked up at the warrior past Yuna, pleading viridian swirls bleeding clear liquid tears begging for some light in sudden shadows that eclipsed her usual sunny outlook.

But all the warrior knew was shadows, and she was half-sick of them herself.

The scene seemed to play out for hours and by the end everyone looked like they needed a drink... or ten. Rikku's father was a good man, and though he'd made enemies from his brashness, he'd forged innumerable friendships from his direct optimistic approach. A trait Rikku had inherited from him, and one that Paine had always secretly admired, though she would never admit it.

Towards the end people seemed to need clarity that it was over, that it was respectful to leave and with one glance at the mess Rikku was in Paine felt it was her duty to say a few words. Stepping up she cleared her throat and began.

"Although I never knew Cid I can tell by the amount of people and tears shed that he was an amazing man. I'd always heard stories of the airship captain who could cheer people up and boost morale by simply being in the room. Countless tales of the compassion and love he had for his crew and indeed everybody that he met. These qualities I can see have been passed down to his daughter Rikku, who I'm sure will follow in her fathers footsteps and be an amazing captain herself someday, if she so wishes. I'm sure I speak for everyone here when I say he shall be sorely missed."

Her boots clacked as she stepped down to be met by a scattering of solemn mutterings of approval. She lingered next to Yuna and Rikku as the people slowly dispersed, unsure of why she even said any of that at all.

Adopting her usual bored look and slow lazy drawl she crouched down in front of Rikku.

"You ready to go yet?" The Al Bhed stared up at her with wondering glassy eyes as Yuna moved away to talk to Tidus.

"Why...Why did you do that?" She whispered, blinking stupidly as the last of her tears rolled softly down her cheek.

"Well, you couldn't and someone had to" The warrior replied, standing up and extending her hand, "C'mon, get up."

"Oh..." Rikku replied softly, taking her hand and using her other sleeve to wipe her tears. Paine pulled her up gently, then tenderly wiped the remaining tears from her face with her thumb.

"You'll be fine, you'll see. It'll all be okay." Paine soothed, with the best sincere voice she could muster. Rikku seemed suprised by Paines actions and even Paine silently admitted that she was being very unlike herself. She entwined her fingers with Rikkus and led her back towards the exit, towards the scheduled wake. Suddenly Rikku stopped, wide-eyed like a hare caught in headlights.

"I don't want to go, I can't go. I can't have a party for my dad dying. It's sick. It's just wrong. I can't stand there while people laugh and drink and talk about the good times they had with him, because all I'll be thinking of is that there won't be anymore good times! " Rikku shouted, breathing heavily. She looked genuinely scared.

"Are you sure? You might find out some more things about him from people he knew." Paine reasoned, it'd look strange if Rikku didn't show up to her own fathers wake.

"I like the memory I have of him now. It's a good memory. I don't want anyone ruining it." She murmured softly, bowing her head.

"Okay, then we'll do something else." Paine smiled, concern evident in her face as she tilted Rikkus chin up.

"Like what?" The thief grinned, like she was Rikku again. That grin was like a virus.

"Anything you want. Celcius, drinks, crappy movie?" Paine suggested.

"HEY! You know none of the movies I choose are ever crappy!" Rikku exclaimed, sporting her very childish pout.

"Yeah, yeah. What about the one with the talking parrot, where all the way through I told you he'd get with the girl parrot... Then as predicted he did, and you cried...When you quite blatently already knew it would happen?" Paine teased as they made their way back to the massive ship, which was a fair distance away.

"Pfft. You're just a meanie and a cynic. Anything to do with love you critisize. That's what's predictable." Rikku laughed, clambering aboard the ship with a small amount of effort.

"Hmm. No. I just don't believe in animated animals finding love. Animals mate. They don't love. Actually some humans don't either. Okay, maybe I am a cynic, but by my reckoning, you're optimistic enough for the both or us."

"Shut up being gloomy and moody and pour the drinks, I'll find a film. What kind of sphere do you want to watch?" Rikku asked, flicking through the films noisily.

"Preferably a good one. I'll watch whatever you want... as long as it's not about parrots."

"Alpha and Omega?"

"Yeah, sounds good, whatever" Paine shouted non committedly, concentrating on mixing her cocktails behind the bar. Two minutes later they were sprawled out on the couch together, equipped with cocktails and chocolate, as well as various other sweets that Rikku always insisted on buying whenever they found themselves in Luca.

"...Rikku, this is animated"

"Yes. But it's not about Parrots."

"...So, it's the exact same storyline, but with wolves?"

"It's an enthralling tale of love and the obstacles we have to overcome in life to be with the people we love!" Rikku exclaimed, punching the air in exhilaration before cuddling up to Paine.

"That's bull. If you love someone you tell them, if they don't love you you just have to wait until they do. If there's obstacles disregard or remove them. I'll bet my life that they will get together in the end. Just like the fucking parrots."

"What do you have against happy endings Dr. P!?"

"They're utterly unrealistic and horribly predictable is all I'm saying."

"...Right. Shut up. You're enjoying this film whether you like it or not." Rikku huffed, breaking off some chocolate and shoving it in Paines mouth to shut her up effectively. Throughout the film Rikku was pre occupied with Paine and her strange behaviour. Maybe she was just showing her tender side because she knew how hard the day had been on Rikku. She never let anyone get this close to her. They were cuddling for Fayth's sake! Cuddling with Paine! Rikku would've bet anything in the world last week that this phenomenal situation would never occur. She was growing increasingly aware of Paines arms wrapped protectively around her, and how the pads of her fingers were stroking the side of her arm absently, leaving a trail of goose pimples in their wake. The sensation was suprising pleasant and she couldn't suppress a small shudder as she felt Paines hot breath on the back of her neck.

"Are you cold?" Paine whispered in her ear from behind, making Rikku shiver pleasantly. She couldn't find her voice for a second.

"N-no, I'm fine." Rikku stuttered, mentally berating herself. Paine was just her friend, why was she acting this strangely?

"Rikku, I can feel you shivering. I'll get us a blanket." Rikku immediately missed the warmth and shuddered as she heard the warriors boots on the stairwell. She shook her head and downed the rest of her cocktail, willing the nervousness to disperse.

"Refill it is then" Paine laughed, draping the blanket around the blonde and taking her now empty glass.

"Something strong this time please" Rikku smiled confidently, receiving an arched brow from the older girl.

"I'll assume by strong you mean my version of mild?" She smirked, making Rikkus measure 1/2 of her own. She took a cautious sip and found it so be not entirely unpleasant.

"See, I told you I can handle it!" She grinned ever the model for modesty.

"Hm, well, try mine then" Paine smirked, staring intently at Rikkus reaction. The thief scrunched up her face and stuck out her tongue in abrupt disgust as Paine smirked with undisguised amusement. She'd known Rikku would take the bait. She always did.

"Ew! How the hell do you drink that stuff?" She asked, holding the glass as far away from her as possible as though it's mere proximity to her was obscenely offensive.

"Obviously I'm made from stronger stuff than you" Paine answered, taking the glass and having a sip. She genuinely couldn't see how it wasn't nice.

"...Oh you think so do you? Want to bet on that?" Rikku challenged as Paine retook her place on the couch. The film was swiftly forgotten about.

"That all depends on what kind of contest it is really, doesn't it?" Paine drawled, but matched the blonde girls smirk effortlessly. Rikku lay back for a while and thrummed her long fingers on the hard leather of the couch.

"Hmmm. I don't know really. What do you think?" She asked, scratching the back of her head absently while she pondered ideas.

"A drinking contest." Paine stated simply as her lips quirked to reveal a fierce grin, which made Rikku's eyes widen. She couldn't possibly refuse this challenge now.

"You're on." Rikku laughed confidently, although she couldn't shake the weird feeling she kept getting when she watched Paine. Hopefully, she reasoned, the alcohol will fix it.

"You're going to regret this you know. Silly girl." Paine laughed from the bar, grabbing all the shot glasses she could find and arranging them on the counter. Rikku watched in wonder as she mixed various drinks with precision and skill and poured one of each of the concoctions in two glasses. After she was done there were ten shot glasses set out into two separate lines, one for each of them. Suddenly Rikku felt horribly out of her depth. She only drank on special occasions but Paine appeared to drink consistently, no reasoning required. And although Paine had been steadily drinking throughout the day, there was still a 99% chance that Rikku wouldn't come close to winning.

"Okay. So here's how it's going to go..." Paine started, beckoning Rikku over to the bar. "We'll each take turns taking a shot, until the other person can't. The first one's are the weakest then they get progressively stronger as we move up the tiers. Whoever backs out first... Or blacks out first loses. Sound fair?" Paine smirked again surveying Rikku's face, who looked in a state of utter despair.

"I suppose so... You do realise I'm probably going to die from this stuff?" She laughed, albeit nervously, still eyeing the liquid with suspicion.

"Na, you'll be fine trust me. Look. I'll go first" Paine reasoned, taking the first shot, which was a murky orange and downing it effortlessly. "Your turn."

Rikku gulped, just resolving to chuck the liquid to the back of her throat and swallow, regardless of taste. After knocking it back she found that it was surprisingly pleasant and laughed.

"I wouldn't be so cocky you know, they get worse. Much worse." Paine instructed, taking her second in a similar fashion to the first.

The game continued and with each drink Rikku's grimace grew although Paine remained stoic as usual, unless she was smirking at Rikku of course. Rikku had managed to get up to her seventh and Paine was on her ninth, choosing to soldier ahead in a vain effort to encourage Rikku.

"Man the fuck up." She droned. Picking up the final shot, but she didn't make a move to drink it. This was by far the nastiest thing she'd ever made and didn't know how drunk she would be afterwards... Because even she was pretty smashed by this point. Rikku was no better, sitting smiling and swaying in her chair to some pop song she'd stuck on halfway through.

She felt funny and weightless and was under the distinct impression that she kept staring at Paine... But if Paine had noticed she wasn't letting on.

Paine was also preoccupied with her own odd behaviour, such as the way her eyes were automatically drawn to Rikkus lips as she drank. She needed a cigarette. Badly. Before she ended up doing something silly in her sorely inebriated state. Putting down the glass she nodded at Rikku, who seemed to be staring at her.

"Coming for a cig?" She offered, swinging off her bar stool with enviable ease.

"...Yeah, sure" Rikku beamed, snapping out of her daydream and stumbling into the elevator after Paine. The rocking motion of the lift was making her nauseous, so when they got to the deck she immediately stumbled and would've fell if Paine hadn't of been there.

"Maybe the drinking game wasn't such a good idea..." she conceded, holding Rikku tightly to her chest. Rikku snuggled into the warmth and inhaled the familiar scent of smoke, liquor and cherries that was Paine.

"I'm fine, honest, just got a little dizzy from the lift" Rikku blushed, embarrassed at appearing so vulnerable. Paine hummed as she carefully lowered them both down to sit on the deck, ignoring the fact that Rikku was in a possibly compromising position on her lap. She took out a menthol and a lighter from her tight pockets, and proceeded to light up. She loved menthols, they always made her feel healthier in the falsest way in her alternative lifestyle.

"Want a drag?" She offered, acknowledging Rikkus curious expression. She was sitting with her legs on either side of Paines thighs facing her and Paine was sure if she'd of been sober she would've felt very uncomfortable. Seconds later Rikku returned the fag, after coughing and spluttering horrendously, she'd never tried smoking before and apparently she wasn't very good at it.

"Ewwy. How do you stand that? It tastes awful!" She complained, as Paine laughed, blowing a stream of smoke in her face in a teasing manner.

"Again. You need to man up." She stated, throwing her head back and leisurely smoking whilst observing the stars.

"You know. I don't appreciate that comment. Meanie." Rikku pouted, turning her face away. Then Paine did something really un-Paine-like. Gently she reached out and cupped Rikku's cheek, turning her back to face her.

"You know I'm joking... Would you like me to show you?" She asked, eyes softening at Rikkus expression. Rikku nodded slowly and she went through the techniques, eventually she got the hang of it. Paine watched her with a strange fascination as she rolled the filter between her teeth and put her soft lips over it. 'As if I'm getting jealous of a cigarette...' she thought.

Lighting another one for herself they sat there for awhile, merely enjoying the stars and the warmth as they lay side by side. Suddenly Paine propped up on her elbows and leaned over Rikku.

"Want a blowback?" she smirked, jokingly.

"What's a blowback?" Rikku frowned.

"It's where one person inhales, then exhales into another persons mouth..." Paine trailed off, slightly embarrassed.

"Okay. Show me what I have to do then." Rikku smiled, ever eager to try something new.

"You just cup your hands like this" Paine demonstrated, then put the cigarette to her lips. "Ready?"

Rikku nodded and Paine blew into the hole that Rikku had made with her hand.

"It didn't work... I think most of it escaped through my hand" Rikku sighed.

"Well. We could try it without the hand?" Paine suggested, "just open your mouth and inhale...Okay?"

"Okay." Rikku laughed, not believing Paine would ever act like this. Paine inhaled and the two girls tentatively neared eachother, parting lips and regarding the situation with a dual and unbeknownst apprehension. Rikku pulled away and exhaled before commenting.

"It does feel stronger, I think. I'm not sure. Still can't believe I drank so much" she laughed, finding a comfortable position against Paines chest.

"I was impressed if I'm honest." Paine laughed, the vibrations from her chest reverberating onto Rikku. Her fingertips ran down the length of the younger girls arms as she whispered in her ear.

"You're freezing again. Let's go back in." Hoisting Rikku up Paine guided her to the elevator. Once inside Rikku attempted to put as much distance between her and Paine as possible.

It was unbearable. She shouldn't be feeling like this. It was wrong. Or was it? No one she knew were strict Yevonites anymore, Spira was slowly becoming a land of free thinking, open minded people. Still, no matter how accepted it was, she still couldn't stop sneaking peeks at the warrior from under her lashes, who was regarding her quizzically from the other side of the elevator. She was beginning to flush, so Paine walked over to her, concern marring her porcelain features.

"Hey, you feeling okay?" She murmured, leaning closer to her and raising her hand to her forehead.

"Paine. Stop it." Rikku breathed, grasping her wrist before her hand made contact with her overheated skin. "Just stop Paine. Please."

"...Stop what?" Paine smirked, running the palm of her hand through Rikkus, and using it to lean against the wall.

"Whatever you're doing to me..." Rikku whispered, scared she was slipping into a territory that she was in no way familiar with. I might just be paranoid she told herself, although another part of her couldn't deny the way Paine looked at her... Not to mention the way she had started looking at Paine.

"...And just what is it that I'm supposedly doing to you?" Paine asked, still with that confident smirk. She'd moved her other hand to the other side of Rikku, effectively pinning her against the wall and closing the space between their bodies, which seemed to radiate a heat that was almost pleasantly unbearable. Her eyes had narrowed into an almost predatory clouded gaze of lust, her teeth were showing as she bit her lip and her breath ghosted over Rikkus face.

"Stop teasing me..." Rikku almost moaned, as the two girls stood, eyes locked onto one anothers lips, adorning exact mirroring expressions. Paine moved forward a bit more, positioning her knee between Rikkus legs.

"Make me." She challenged, moving her knee upwards and eliciting a gasp from the younger girl.

"Is that a challenge?" Rikku breathed, their lips getting closer, just inches away. She moved her hands; one to Paines neck, and the other to her hip, then proceeded to spread her legs a bit further.

"Yes." Paine drawled, again moving her knee and sending pleasurable impulses all throughout Rikkus sensitive lithe little body. Then she drew back, but was stopped by Rikkus hand on her neck which pulled her back in, forcing her to wrap her arms around the thief as their lips crushed together. It was a rough battle for dominance as the two girls attacked eachothers lips and tongue, pausing only to gasp for breath. Paines hands were everywhere, roving the younger girls body, cupping her breasts softly, then roughly. Grabbing her ass, Paine started grinding her hips into Rikkus as she licked nibbled and kissed the soft flesh of her neck. The two girls were too firmly enraptured by eachother that when the elevator doors opened neither one noticed, trapped in their own little fickle world of lust.

"Nice." The two girls froze, breaking apart from eachother, breathless and horribly confused as Buddy stood there with an astonished but perversely content stare. "About time you both came to your senses. I'll leave you to it." He smiled, turning with a sly wink then going back to the deck. They'd completely forgot about how he'd volunteered to look after the ship whilst everyone else got supremely inebriated and were both suddenly stuck by a fit of the giggles at the awkwardness of their situation.

"...What did he mean, about time?" Rikku laughed, moving closer to the warrior in the now light atmosphere.

"Well, I don't know about you. But I've wanted this for a long time..." Paine whispered sincerely, making Rikku's tiny heart beat wildly in her chest and her stomach flutter. It was all too un-Paine-like. It was all too much.

"You're doing it again, stop acting all Un-Painey Dr P! You'd have people tricked that you'd grown a heart." The thief laughed, trying to ease the tension that was now buzzing all around them once more. But Paine simply shook her head and with a small sad smile slouched over to the door release and left Rikku standing there alone and confused. She called after her but Paine simply ignored her and made her way to their bedroom. When Rikku ventured up later she was asleep.

The crew noticed the change immediately, the two girls were acting distant from each other but Buddy never revealed what he saw. It was like they were in a mutual ignorance and it was getting to them both equally. Paine was hurt, but reasoned that she couldn't blame Rikku for being herself, we can't help who we love just as we can't help who we don't. Rikku just didn't know how to feel, it was all too quick for her. She'd always had strange thoughts about Paine lingering in the back of her mind when she thought about it. She admired how she could be so feminine and sexy whilst also being strong and strangely masculine as well. She defended her, like her knight in shining armour and she knew that she loved her, she just didn't know how much. It's not as though the prospect of viewing Paine in a romantic way disgusted her or anything, she just didn't know how she should feel about it. She loved her sure, but she didn't think it was enough to risk hurting her. The tension on the deck was thick as they received their briefing about the latest detected sphere. Even Brother wasn't oblivious to it.

"What's going on with you two? C'mon girls! Lighten up!" He exclaimed, offering a smile which he hoped to be infectious. Rikku took the opportunity as usual.

"Yeah! C'mon Dr P" She jumped up laughing and bounded over to the other girl, placing a hand on her shoulder.

"Don't call me that." Paine ordered, shrugging off her hand and walking to the elevator without a glance back. Rikku followed her, they needed to talk this out at some point and it might as well have been sooner rather than later. Stepping into the elevator after her she inwardly cringed as she imagined the last time they were here together and an involuntary shiver ran down her spine. Paine closed the doors and regarded the thief with a feigned indifference, but Rikku could see underneath the surface with one glance into her crimson orbs.

"Why do you always do that...?" Paine muttered, turning away with a defeated look that made Rikkus chest ache in an unfamiliar way.

"...Do what...?" The thief inquired, shuffling uneasily on her feet unable to take her eyes off the dispirited warrior.

"Pretend to act all peppy and happy when that's not what you're really feeling at all." She spoke sharply and objectively, staring Rikku dead in the eye and making the ache in her chest flare up with a greater intensity. The younger girl stopped and collected herself before speaking clearly in a soft tone.

"Because smiles are more infectious than frowns" Paine stopped then. Stopped whatever it was inside her that was determined to push the younger girl away and just felt for a while; something she hadn't allowed herself to do since the incident. They stood in silence for a while before Paine stepped across the elevator and pressed for the cabin. She looked visibly flustered and this made Rikku feel horribly nervous. When did Paine ever lose her composure?

"I need a drink!" Paine announced, throwing a hand lazily in the air and striding out noisily as the doors jolted open, her boots clacking on the metallic flooring as she went. Rikku followed quietly, her hands clasped and biting her lip. Paine grabbed the nearest bottle and let a few gulps of fiery liquid burn down her throat, cursing herself in her head for not having more control over herself. Seeing Rikku approach the bar she decided to make amends. It wasn't fair to snap at Rikku after all, this was Paine's problem.

"Hey, I'm sorry about before. Do you want to watch an awful movie?" The warrior grinned as the thief bounced up and started rooting through their spheres. Harmony had now been restored but the boundaries were still blurred; it was just a matter of time before the comfort came back and the tension reached boiling point once more. Their routine settled back quickly, their stark differences and playful mannerisms were in their natures. Paine patiently listened to stories about Cid and Rikku got out all her feelings in the comfort of the older girls company. Fingertips danced on skin, ghosted over memories but nothing escalated as it had. Paine was reluctant to try and even more so reluctant to discuss her feelings. Instead she tried to subtly seduce the thief, to encourage her to make the first move; if she so wished. It was working. It was all the little things but sometimes they're the ones that have the most profound effect on us. Big things are easier to solve.

The warrior chose to weight lift in their shared bed area of a morning, the sun would be streaming in and catch the sheen of sweat on her body, illuminating her facets perfectly; and Rikku found that she couldn't turn her eyes away from the older girls toned arms alabaster chest. The inclination to wrap her arms around the older girls shoulders intimately was sometimes a hard thought to push out of her mind. She also made a point to let Rikku see her whenever she returned from the shower with her silver hair in a damp shock because she also knew how messy hair affected the Al Bhed. Another improvement was to protect the thief more in combat and she purchased a particularly revealing bikini for a certain sphere hunt to Gagazet. These methods proved to be very effective in the younger girl as heat pooled low in her belly whenever the warrior was near her. She'd stopped questioning if these feeling were wrong, all she knew was that they existed and they needed to be sated or she was going to go insane. Resisting was out of the question by this point in her view. The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it, after all.

It was the day of Yuna and Tidus' wedding and Paine was being dragged around Luca by an extremely aggravated Al Bhed who was fuming because Paine seemed unaware that she needed something to wear if she was to be a bridesmaid. Paine raised her hands behind her head in a very tidus-like fashion as she trailed behind the thief who was marching down the high street as she whined (which was also reminiscent of Tidus' mannerisms) about Besaid being too hot. Rikku shoved her into the changing room and ordered her to sit as Paine reluctantly obeyed, tired of shopping already. Within minutes she'd returned with various gaudy coloured dresses to which Paine narrowed her eyes and adamantly refused to even try on.

"If you don't get in that changing room right now I'll make you try on these dresses right here." Rikku warned, trying to look as threatening as possible but Paine merely laughed.

"Sounds kinky" she drawled, smirking as Rikku flashed red and yanked the warrior up, forcing her into the changing room.

"Strip." She ordered. Thrusting a light blue dress into her arms and turning around.

"Aren't you going to buy me dinner first?"

"Try. It. On. Now." The thief growled, not in the mood for Paines bullshit and apprehensively wondering why she'd came into the room with her.

"Rikku, look at my skin tone. This isn't going to work. I'm not trying it on." The warrior huffed, throwing the dress on the floor childishly.

"Well what're you going to wear then!?" the thief shouted, exasperated at her friends unwillingness to cooperate.

"I'll find something. I think this would look better on you anyway" the warrior smiled, picking the dress up and walking behind the thief, holding it around her body as she watched her in the mirror. Rikku was aware she was blushing and doubly aware that Paine could see it in the mirror as well as the older girls breath ticked her neck. She pushed the dress away and Paine let it fall to the floor.

"I'm actually organised and I've already got my dress sorted." Rikku sighed turning her face away from the mirror. Paine arms were still around her and she wrapped them around her abdomen, resting her head on the thief's shoulders.

"Sorry." She whispered. Knowing that sometimes her disdain for particularly feminine things irked the Al Bhed. The thief sighed, putting her hands on Paine's arms and whispered "you're hopeless, you know that right?" They stayed in that position for a while before Rikku stepped out of the embrace and leaned against the wall of the cubicle. Paine laughed and grabbed her hand, thinking it'd be best to cheer the usually peppy thief up.

"C'mon, we'll find me a suit"

"You can't wear a suit, you're a brides maid. A maid of the bride. Maids don't wear suits!"

"Well, I'll just be Tidus' best man, Wakka won't mind I'm sure." Paine laughed. After a while they opted for a classy white shirt black tie suit which complimented Paine amazingly. It'd be hot on the beach so the jacket wasn't necessary but Rikku insisted on one anyway.

Paine was sitting at the bar in her suit, the jacket strewn over the bar stool as she slowly sipped her rum and coke.

"You better not spill anything on that shirt!" Rikku warned from the balcony. She'd been getting ready for what seemed like hours, but as Paine turned around she could see why. She nearly choked on her drink. Rikku looked amazing. Her dress flowed beautifully and was an aquamarine blue with a feather-like cut off down the left leg. Her hair was in a complicated looking up do and her exposed skin was tanned and smooth. Paine was staring quite obviously.

"Glad you like it." Rikku smirked, descending the staircase with an ease that was enviable in her silvery-blue heels. Paine smirked and downed her drink, feeling very much like a schoolboy with a prom date as she stood up.

"You look beautiful." she murmured, trying her best to convey her sincerity as she slung her jacket over her shoulder and swept her arm in the direction of the elevator with a smirk and slight bow, "after you, miss." She teased as Rikku swatted her arm playfully and strolled past her, aware that Paine was probably checking her out and smirking to herself.

The wedding was beautiful. The beach had been cleared for the occasion and because it had been kept a secret it was relatively small but spectacular. Wakka and Lulu had prepared everything, the decorations were amazing and all of their friends acquired from all over Spira had traveled there to wish the couple well. Of course, there were some who hadn't been invited, but they were welcome all the same.

Paine eyed the new Aurochs team warily as her and Rikku stood by the makeshift bar. Tidus had been appointed the new captain and many players had resigned preferring a quiet life, forcing him to hire foreign players to make up for the gaps. The looks they were giving Rikku irritated her, the fact that she couldn't do anything about it was near infuriating. The fact that Rikku was somewhat of a natural flirt didn't help either. She tried to push it to the back of her mind as she looked over to Tidus and Wakka, both looking pleased as they stood by the alter. Everyone was waiting on Yuna and Lulu but Rikku had a feeling she wouldn't be there for awhile. Yuna was always worrying about every tiny little detail.

'They'll be great together won't they' Rikku said absently, smiling fondly to herself as Paine agreed and ordered another drink. One of the Aurochs had managed to slip up next to Rikku and slyly asked her if she wanted a drink in a manner he undoubtedly thought was suave. Frankly, Paine thought he looked like a sleazeball but Rikku never said no to free drinks. Paine rolled her eyes as Rikku batted her eyelashes, evidently enjoying the attention. Not wanting to watch this Paine spotted Gippal and as they made eye contact he waved her over loudly. Sparing one last glance at Rikku, Paine grabbed her bottle and walked over to his table.

"I see our lovely young thief has still got her ways with the men" He observed, watching Paine intently. She only grunted in reply. Prompting him to go on. "And a certain woman as well it seems" he winked.

"And who would that be?" Paine smiled, Gippal had always been able to read her, she liked that it hadn't changed.

"You need to tell her Paine. You'll regret it when you don't. When she's walking up this aisle with someone. You need to have the guts I never had" He smiled, albeit sadly, his fingers drumming on the table nervously. She knew what he was alluding to. He'd told her back in their crimson days that he loved her, back when she wasn't so cold. But the rules were not to be broken, and inter-squad relations were forbidden. They'd become friends since then and he often checked in on her, he was glad to see she was trying to live again.

"I'm waiting. I don't know how she feels. There's nothing else to do is there." She mirrored his sad smile.

"Of course there is, go over there and claim her. Warn that guy off- He's nowhere near good enough for her" Gippal observed, as the Blitzballer eyed the younger girl as he was speaking to her.

"That won't look creepy or possessive at all... It's fine. I'm fine." She smiled, though it didn't reach her eyes. They caught up then, as they usually did, which commonly involved Gippal confiding all of his latest conquests and Paine listening in amusement, marveling at how shameless he could be. He reminded her of Rikku so much, if Rikku had been born a male she would probably be Gippal. They both shared the typical Al Bhed eyes of course, and although Paine often told him to remove his ridiculous eyepatch he never did, claiming it made him look more experienced. Their hair was a similar blonde and their bubbly personalities and tendencies to be excessively successful flirts made them quite the couple indeed. However, whereas Gippal was known for his widespread seducing of women, Rikku was less commonly known for being a tease and Gippal's extensive efforts with her had only led as far as kissing, much to his chagrin.

Paine made her way to the bar for yet another refill and she got full view of Rikku and the young blitzballer's flirting, their casual touching made her eyes flash with anger and as the guy leaned in and their lips joined Paine bit her lip and walked back away.

The remaining Aurochs were getting progressively louder with their chauvinistic discussion and Paine caught a snippet of their conversation at just the wrong moment. Rikku was still laughing along with the man at the bar, and Paine had let a slip of emotion past her usual barricade and it had been noticed. The goalkeeper, a particularly broad man had said something about a dyke getting jealous which had instantly caused the rest of the team to burst into laughter and make several crude jokes.

Gippal had head and noticed Paines hand clenching around her bottle in a rather scary manner. The laughs ceased when the bottle smashed in her grip. She got up slowly but was stopped by Gippal who put a hand warily on her shoulder.

"You don't want to do this, you can't cause a scene here" he muttered in her ear. "Just ignore it" Paine sighed and sat down, ready to resign herself to a cigarette when another member of the team decided to run their mouth. This time about a faggot subduing a dyke. Gippal smirked at Paine, before turning around and punching the guy squarely in the jaw.

"I was just waiting for an excuse buddy. Want me to show you how much of a faggot I am?" He challenged, the man was on the floor regarding Gippal with a certain fear which was reinforced by the look on Paine's face, who had also stood up. Ready to back Gippal up if any of the other men decided to be a hero. Blood was pouring from his nose as he slowly shook his head. He dusted himself off slowly and before walking off, promised Gippal that he'd live to regret it.

"Hypocrite." Paine mumbled. Absently picking the small shards of glass out of her hands.

"Noo ne calls me a faggot" He laughed, wringing his wrist in feigned pain.

"You didn't even knock him out, I would've done the job properly. I'm so glad to know you were defending my honour as well..." she muttered sarcastically.

"Not very ladylike is it. Doubt your girl would be impressed, speaking of which..." He trailed off as Rikku, completely abandoning the guy at the bar came over, looking anything but impressed.

"What are you doing now Gippal. Causing trouble again? And what's wrong with your hand!?" She exclaimed at Paine. Whose hand was now stained a deep crimson from the rivulets of blood which were slowly dripping onto the table.

"They started it, it was nothing to do with Gippal and I'm fine. Just a few cuts." Paine grunted, hissing slightly as Rikky grabbed her hand and examined it. She was too used to Paine brushing off injuries as nothing when they certainly were something.

"How did he possibly provoke you into punching him!? At Yuna's wedding!?" Rikku shouted, storming off and getting some napkins from the bar. Gippal didn't stick around for her to come back but went over to speak to Tidus about his team. The thief came back with a beer for the warrior and sat down with a sigh next to her.

"You're hopeless. Give me your hand" She sighed, handing the warrior the bottle. She wiped the blood off the older girl carefully, with a level of care which was almost intimate. "What did they say to make to so angry?" she asked, seemingly genuinely concerned. She was worried, did Paine see her kiss that guy? She was confused, she wanted to do it to see if the older girl would get jealous, but she didn't want to hurt her at the same time. She felt guilty. She was upset, if she did see then wasn't she jealous? Had she stopped caring now?

The torrent of emotions which she was experiencing made her feel irrational. Why would she care so much about these things if she didn't care about the older girl herself?

"Just being classic men really" Paine shrugged, trying to drink away her irritation and her anger. She had no right to question Rikku when these feelings were not reciprocated.

"Tell me. You're upset. Tell me what's wrong. Please" Rikku asked, slowly caressing her now bloodless hand.

"It doesn't matter" Paine stated, looking away from her.

"It matters to me." Rikku declared.

"Why?" Paine asked, turning her head from the sunset and staring deep into Rikkus eyes. "Why does it matter to you?"

"Because, I care about you." She whispered sincerely, feeling a certain vulnerability in her chest which made her almost uncomfortably nervous.

"If you cared then why did you have your tongue down some guys throat a few minutes ago? I'd rather you told me the truth than lied to me Rikku." Paine smiled bitterly, taking her hand away from Rikku's.

"I'm not lying, I do care. What is this? Jealousy?" Rikku asked cautiously.

"Yes. This is jealousy. The thought of anyone touching you makes my skin crawl, I want to warn off any guy that gets near you. It doesn't help that you flirt with everyone. But you can do what you want; we'll still be friends no matter what."

Paine stated clearly, she didn't see the point in lying. She'd never liked lying to Rikku, even if they were small lies. It took Rikku a few minutes to commute an intelligible response. Paine's words hurt Rikku because they were startlingly true; she was a flirt, and when she was unsure about things she only seemed to flirt more; maybe it was a defense mechanism.

"I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to make you jealous. I do care and it makes me happy to know that you do too. I'm sorry" She murmured. The warrior felt the pain again, the pain that came from the uncertainty, she didn't know if it was worse that the younger girl cared or not. Her saying she cared just made it even harder to try and walk away. She was about to reply when everyone was silenced by Lulu's arrival who announced that Yuna was ready. Rikku and Paine went to take their places opposite Wakka, who was grinning at Tidus in such an infectious way that the two girls couldn't help but feel happier. The comic aspect of his suit also made an impression, his broad shoulders and muscles made it look like it was going to rip at any moment.

Silence descended over the beach as everyone took their seats, Paine glanced at Tidus as Yuna came into view and couldn't help but smile at what she saw. She'd never before seen an expression which conveyed such genuine love; it was heart warming, it was something she wanted. Would she ever be looked at like that, did she look at Rikku in such a manner? Was she giving enough of herself?

For a few seconds all that was heard was the water gently lapping on the beach as the setting sun made it look like gold, making Yuna look even more ethereal in her beautiful dress. It was slightly reminiscent of the one which she had wore when she was forced to marry maester Seymour but noone's thoughts were on that; that had been a private event hin Bevelle anyway, only officials and guards present.

Tobli's band struck up a gentle soothing rhythm as Yuna proceeded down the aisle, every eye turned towards her with love and admiration. Rikku took up the older girls hand in her excitement and Paine noticed a sly wink from Gippal which she tentatively chose to ignore. Usually she hated public displays of affection like this but she made an exception this time.

Their vows were beautiful, even evoking tears in some, particularly Lulu and Rikku; this proved to be another time where Paine was painfully aware and self conscious of her uncaring appearance. Paine felt a certain pang of jealousy for the couple, but this was overwhelmed by the warmth which their union evoked, a warmth undoubtedly felt by everyone who had came to know the young couple.

Tidus stood facing Yuna, taking her porcelain hand in his own, the sun washing his hair with warmth and making his tanned skin glow as he stared deeply into her beautifully mismatched eyes.

"Yuna. When I first came to Spira I thought I'd lost everything. I thought it was a nightmare from which I'd never escape, but then I met you. You made Spira bearable to me, you turned the nightmare into a dream. I'd happily abandon everything I know just to fall in love with you all over again. Whatever may come in the future we'll fight it together. I want you to play the main role in my story until the end. I couldn't tell you I loved you that time but I'll never leave you again. Cherish me Yuna, and I'll cherish you. That's all we have to do now. I love you." He finished his speech, as Yuna's tears fell silently and the waves washed gently upon the sand. He placed the ring on her finger and whispered "don't cry". Rikku clutched Paine's arm her eyes glued on the couple, Paine looked down at the younger girl and her chest tightened. Rikku looked back at her, eyes shimmering and whispered "Wow, that was so beautiful. Don't you think?"

"Yes. Yes it was" Paine replied quietly back, if she could make Rikku even a fraction of how happy Yuna looked now then maybe all this pain was worth it.

The various congratulations were given to the couple and a new band struck up a soft melody for the guests to dance to. The allocated dance section looked fabulous, all the al bhed had put together the lights and as the couple took their spotlight dance everyone knew that they'd only ever make each other happy.

"They're so beautiful together." Gippal smiled, coming up behind Paine with the stealth only a thief could demonstrate. "That could be you and her you know. The only thing standing in your way is you. Stop over complicating it. Go dance with her." He encouraged with his classic cheeky grin.

"I'm not asking her, I'm not pressuring her. If she wants to she'll ask. You know how Rikku is." Paine smiled as she noticed the aforementioned blonde approaching her from the darkness.

"Sorry Gippal, I know how much you adore her but I'm stealing her for a while." Rikku laughed, sticking out her tongue teasingly at the older male and making Paines stomach clench pleasantly.

"No problem, just make sure she's still got some energy left for later!" Gippal laughed, strolling off towards the bar, probably to chat up some chaste besaidian for the challenge. The younger girl took the older girls hand, playfully pulling her over to the dancefloor whilst Paine put up her usual icy exterior of reluctance; giving in eventually just like she always did. She couldn't deny Rikku anything and Rikku knew it.

Placing Paine's hands on her hips Rikku slung her own arms around the older girls neck and leaned on her, pressing herself close as they gently moved together.

"Having a good time?" She asked with a smile. Paine laughed a bit before looking down and replying with a yes, but in her mind she was saying 'yes, now that I'm with you.'

"Good." The thief smiled, nuzzling into Paines chest inhaling her scent of smoke and the hot rum from her breath. She loved that smell, it was comforting to her, it was like home. Paine had always been like home to her; stable and solid, from the moment they met. Making their way back to the airship Paine contemplated her feelings for the younger girl as Rikku drunkenly danced around the shallow water.

It was ridiculous how irritatingly easy it was for Rikku to capture Paines attention and enrapture her. In the corner of Paines eye she was always there, dancing up and down the corridors of her soul, annoying her to no end with how fatally attractive she was. In the dark times when the shadows overhang Paines eyes she imagines the sinful aspects of the thief's form and feels dirty. Guilty, like it's a betrayal, and Paine supposes on some level it is. When they go for an innocent dip in the springs and she's scantily clad, her perfectly bronzed body shimmering Paine has to turn away and bite her lip. Guilt. When they're changing and she get a slight peek of her which makes the warriors stomach clench. Guilt. When she sticks her tongue out childishly or when she sips a drink and Paine has to fight the thought of what her tongue would feel like on hers. Guilt.

It's a wonder Paine has any lip left.

The worrying part is that it's not just desire. There's a sentimental side and Paine is unsure which one bothers her more. Desire is just lust, easily quenchable with a substitute, but this seems different. Like when Rikku has drank a little too much and Paine has to carry her up to bed, when her arms are slung around her neck and her fingertips dance over her skin creating shivers. When Paine puts her down and she pulls her down too, when she mumbles something about a sleepover with a drunken smile and wraps her slender arms around the older girl. A night just like tonight.

Paine realises she should detach herself and tell her to get undressed, which she does awkwardly whilst still lying there and Paine walks over to her own bed. Paine gets changed and Rikku watches, feelings sparking in the pit of her stomach which shouldn't be there as she does. Then she tells Paine she wants someone to cuddle and Paine clenches my jaw, reminding herself that it's a betrayal even if she doesn't think so. Rikku rolls over onto her stomach and put her feet in the air clad in only bra and knickers and Paine shrugs her sleeping shorts on and force herself to say no. She clambers into Paines bed and stares at the ceiling. Listening to her breathing Paine can tell she's not asleep. Paine inhales and closes her eyes to maximize the sensation, her scent clings to me and she breathes it in greedily. Rikku giggles, staring at Paine through the darkness, the moonlight streaming in and defining her contours so beautifully.

"Paine, come here." She whispers, as the older girl clenches her jaw and pretends to be asleep. Paine's breath hitches as Rikku climbs out of bed, strides over and leans over her bed.

"I'm tired Dr P. So tired of this..." She murmurs, gently lifting the cover. She climbs in next to Paine who asks her she's doing. Rikku just tells Paine it's what she wants. Paine frowns as her soft hands cup her cheeks and the younger girls face inches towards hers. Paine move her hands, onto Rikku's neck, around her back. Rikku is on top of her now, scattering kisses on her neck and biting softly as her breathing gets heavier. This isn't what is meant to happen, Paine thinks; 'I'm not meant to be the one not in control. Her nimble hands caress my unworthy skin, her touches are so planned and precise that I begin to doubt if she really is drunk.' Paine flips them over, staring into Rikkus glazed viridian eyes and all the maybes fade away. This is happening. Paine teases her, leaves her, playing games. Walks to the bar and pour herself a drink. Rikku leans over the balcony and pouts at Paine who watches from the bar as Rikku smirks, undoes her bra and lets it dangle over the balcony before returning to bed. Paine downs her drink, stalks upstairs and approach her like a starving predator. Neither of them get much sleep that night.

There's something soft leaning on Paines chest, a familiar smell of raspberries and outdoors; it's morning. Soft even hot breaths beat against Paines throbbing neck and she smiles. Realisation. Panic; 'what will happen when Rikku wakes up and realises what we've done?' Paine thinks squeezing her eyes together, cursing her weakness the night before. Thoughts race through her mind: 'I should've said no, that's what any normal rational person would've done, I basically took advantage of her. She was drunk, and younger, but so irresistible. Maybe I'm just not honorable because I can't bring myself to regret it... Just yet.'

"Mornin'" a small voice murmurs, she sits up looks Paine in the eyes and she's smiling uncertainly. Paine imagines how this will go, the younger girls shock and horror, the awkward avoidance of each other of weeks, maybe more. The irreparable rift that has been ignited between us. They stare at each other, silence enveloping the room, neither knowing what to say. Then they smile, albeit tentatively at first. Rikku grabs her hand, laces her thin gentle fingers through hers and moves towards her pressing her lips to her neck. A smile creeps over Paines face until she hear her gentle sobs and feel a wetness running down her collarbone. Anger Paine had expected, but tears? A horrible feeling took form in the pit of her stomach; What have I done?

"I'm sorry Paine... So sorry" she whispers, as her body shakes through her sobbing. Paine frowns looking down at her, until she eventually looks up.

"What do you have to be sorry for?" Paine murmurs, going through possible theories in her head but coming up short.

"I was drunk and you didn't want to, and I kept asking you and... Then I..." She babbled, burying her head into my shoulder and repeating that she was sorry. Paine couldn't help it, she laughed. Laughed because she was so damn conflicted. Rikku stared up through her glistening green orbs, a confused and shocked look adorning her tear-stained face.

This was it, the defining moment; the moment when Paine just had to leap and hope she didn't fall onto the thorns. Paine had always had trouble being sentimental but she had to try. In that moment looking down at Rikku, Paine realised what the feeling tugged persistently inside her chest was.

She had never loved like this before.

She was faced with her conflicting thoughts, her head banging from the hangover everything seemed to be moving in slow motion. 'Where would I begin, how would I express my feelings when I've suppressed them so long. It is not natural to feel this way. It's not right.' She thought frantically.

"Don't worry about it." Paine said curtly, standing up and dressing hastily she tugged on her clothes and made her way down the ladder. She'd ran because she didn't know what else to do. Because she couldn't tell the truth and she couldn't lie either. Reaching the elevator she sat down her back against the wall, her head in her shaking hands.

'Coward' she thought. 'That's all I am.'


End file.
